Posted on August 9, 2010
I responded to a post on MaxFisch recently on this subject, and I’ve got quite an opinion on what the original poster asked so I’m reposting the thread here.
What do you think about his questions?
VegasRed: An article for discussion …
Would a more complete sexual education including sadomasochism made a difference in the quality of your adult life ?
In general would society benafit from a more elaborate sexual education in the teen age years ?
Mme Sade: I’m sure I will amend after I’ve read the article as it will no doubt be thought provoking, but my first response to your questions are no, and compared to what I got- without a doubt.
I don’t think schools should be teaching children about specific sexuality choices so much as an openness to their existence and practice. They should teach them, explicitly, about safe sex practices, sexual health and hygiene, the emotional maturity of sex, family planning and reproduction, the power of choice, rape, sexual harassment, respect, dating expectations, and maybe even how to recognize signs of sexual predators.
A sexually responsible child and young adult is a well informed one. I am not expert enough in child psychology to state as to whether being better educated would increase or decrease any young adult sexuality statistics. I know that the internet is never going to child-proof the search engines and no one inherently knows every question they should be asking one.
Just as much as boys need someone to tell them how to flirt, what makes a good date, and how to communicate desires with a girl; girls need someone to tell them they can say no, how to recognize they may be in danger (drunk without a guardian angel at some party perhaps and the date is coming on too strong), what is inappropriate flirting and behavior from a co-worker or boss (I’ve been sexually harassed by 7 out of 10 bosses and in every single work place I’ve ever been in. It took me a few jobs to figure out what exactly was bothering me so bad to leave a job I liked), and to tell her that she can be sexually active without being ashamed.
I think the students should believe with all their heart that they can ask their sex-ed teacher about anything they want. I think the sex-ed teacher should be supportive of them learning about whatever they’re sexualizing (homosexuality, transgenderism, BDSM, whathaveyou), or helping them to find the appropriate counselor to guide them.
I think the boys should be encouraged to carry condoms at all times to develop good habits (whether they or their friends may need it at an urgent moment).
I think sex ed should start the year before puberty generally takes place, and the content should grow with the students every year until graduation.
I think the students should have free access to contraceptives and information packets that are located in discreet places.
My mandatory sex-ed class my sophomore year didn’t answer a single question I had about safe sex, family planning, or emotional sexual relationships. The teacher was one of the sports coaches I didn’t know, and she didn’t exactly make me feel like I could ask her anything she would know or approve of. The safe sex class was one day, and it terrified us. Sex was described as a sin as we were forced to memorize all kinds of incurable and easily contractable venereal diseases. All my sex advise came from my more promiscuous friends (most of whom ended up pregnant before graduation or soon after). I was sexually active with my high school sweetheart my last two years, and it wasn’t until after graduation that I learned it was possible to have a latex allergy and there were even special condoms for people like me. All we learned about was abstinence, latex condoms, and oral contraceptives. No sponges, no spermicides, no diaphragms, no cervical cups, no IUD’s, no female condoms, no rhythm cycle. I suffered painful burning after almost every sexual experience for two years because they left me ignorant.
Look at me now. I’m a lucky one.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Posted on August 17, 2009
From my Fuck Me Sideways With A Spoon experience, and the Review-A Priestess Gives Herself To A Goddess–
I had my little TS princess write for me her perspective (perhaps we could call it a review) on our first experience with each other. We’ve had a few more since last Tuesday that are equally as memorable (the video we shot together on Friday for example), but I thought her blog was just too delicious not to share with all the avid erotica readers here.
So I have this one client, Bee (db), that treats me to various bisexual experiences. One as of late, was a session with a particularly skilled Domme, Dee (Sade), whom he has known for several years. He of course got to watch, which I didn’t mind. He’s been a regular of mine for a good while and I’m very comfortable with him. He really was just a fly on the wall that would occasionally hold my ankles when I was in certain positions.
Let me tell you about Dee. Dee is young but very knowledgeable and experienced. She is clever, intuitive, and sexy as all get out! What I knew about her before I stepped into her dungeon was that she had given Bee a very memorable multi-orgasmic session via prostate stimulation. Bee wanted me to experience this woman’s astonishing skills, especially since my prostate is particularly sensitive, and I can rarely have an orgasm when someone tries to stimulate it directly. Anyways, between he and I, my prostate seemed to be a bit of a mystery. And hopefully this very learned woman might shed some light on the topic.
Let give some quick background here. I typically dominated Bee and Bee is typically always a bottom with most people he plays with, but when he discovered how switchy I am, he wanted to give dominating a try. Anyways, to cut to the chase, during my time being dominated by Bee, he tried stimulating my prostate with a VERY powerful vibrator. I just about jumped off the bed, and not in a good way. And in general, his entire treatment of me was very “man to man”. He was beating on me and stimulating me as he would want to be stimulated himself, which is of course a reasonable place for someone to start. His warm up was very brief, and his strikes were very harsh and abrupt, which is what I would call a very “man” way of doing it. And he hadn’t really realized that women’s bodies and men’s bodies like a different touch. I explained that I needed much more warm up and seduction if he wanted my body to respond with the greatest amount of resonance. Long story short, he wanted to learn how a woman likes to be touched (or beaten for that matter). He wanted to watch how women do it, and I was perfectly happy to let this incredibly hot woman have her way with me, ultimately for the benefit of MY sex with Bee. And after Dee got the request and saw pictures of me, she was also enthusiastic to get together. So we all he an interest in this delightful experience.
The day of the encounter:
I was sitting in the dungeon talking to her about what I was hoping to get out of the experience, when I noticed very clearly that she had a very thorough understanding of her craft. She picked up on the slightest nuances in the ways I answered her questions. And the more apparent her in-tune-ness became, the more I wanted her to ask me questions (in retrospect, I was turned on by how brilliant she was. I wanted her to penetrate my mind).
After she returned in her extremely sexy yet subtle outfit, I felt compelled to take my clothes off, and let the session begin. I slipped off my tank-top, but Dee immediately said, “If you’re going to strip, at least give me the full strip-tease. … Go ahead, put it back on”. She went to put on some music. I slipped the shirt back on, and thanked the stars that I was an experienced stripper. I began to seductively remove my clothes. Dee would stopped me several times throughout to tease me with Vampire Gloves and sweet caresses around my body. She whispered things into my ear in a way that I had never even dreamed of. I’d never known what words could possibly bring men to their knees like I’d seen, and I always thought it had been a farce. But when these words dripped from this woman’s mouth into my unknowing mind, it was like a drip of blood into a pirana tank, and I knew what it meant to be truly seduced and dominated by words. She bent me over in front of her before my pants were even off. I felt sexy and owned. I’d never felt owned before. I’d never received this kind of attention from someone that was this smoking hot before. And I’d never felt like someone could handle owning me before. Even with very skilled Dommes, I never submitted 100%. And within the first 5 minutes of this session, I was gone. I wanted to be and do anything and everything this woman told me. I finally got my pants off and turned around to face her. She put a choke hold on me, which was also an experience that had been played with before but never successfully. As she held my neck firmly in her grasp, I felt sexier still. My entire body started to clue into the power that my intellect had detected when we talked at the beginning of the session. My nerves were officially standing at attention, and couldn’t wait to learn what was to happen next.
She lied me down on the bondage-bed, which was firm, but not unsexy. I started to settle into the receptive mindset that I figured would allow me to be a good bottom for her. She started to massage my cunt which she commented was tight. And for some reason, to me this felt like a disappointment, even though she said it just as a sexy observation. When people in the past have commented on how quickly my cunt has opened up and welcomed them in, that has felt good, sexy, as I’d want it. When she said this, I immediately tried to relax my muscles as quickly as I could, though I don’t know how successful I was. She started to stroke and stimulate me with her fingers. The warm up she was giving me felt good. Slow and thorough. But as she began to focus in on my G-spot, it started to become too much stimulation, not unlike the problem I’d had with Bee. I tried to explain to her that I like a firm pole kind of stiffness, which she adjusted to, using her fingers flexed straight instead of curved. Again, it was very enjoyable for a while, but I was still feeling over-stimulated. I don’t remember if I said so, or if she sensed my mixed sensations. But she asked me ride her fingers a bit to let me fuck myself the way I wanted to be fucked. And it was helpful for her and for me. It felt a bit better, but I couldn’t cum off of riding her like that. It would take so much physical work on both our parts to maintain it. So she gave me a brief break while she put on her strap on. She used a small cock because of how over-stimulated I was. She mentioned that it was such a “girl” thing to say, but it’s very true.
Receiving stimulation with fingers or vibrators from other people has always been difficult, though something I use extensively when jilling off. I hope one day I will find someone that knows anal play and prostate-stimulation the way I like it. I might just marry said person (that is NOT to be taken as a personal challenge to any readers of this!).
After we’d played with some oral on her cock, she began to fuck me. Immediately, I fell right into my familiar swing from fucking men. Her fucking me was incredible. It was familiar, but exciting because I’d never been fucked by a strap-on. And I’d been fetishizing strap-ons for about a year prior. So seeing her hungry eyes staring back at me as I grinded into her lap brought a sub-space all of it’s own. The choice of the small cock was a perfect choice because I was so almost there from everything else we’d done that the tender nuance of the smaller dick made the ride to orgasm all that more enjoyable.
I’d pulled myself up to fuck myself cowgirl style and was riding her hard when I finally broke through my ceiling. I shrieked and groaned as the tinging convulsions echoed throughout my body. When I felt I couldn’t hold myself up any more I started to lay back. I wasn’t sure whether to “dismount” from her cock or not. But after I was on my back again, I noticed the energetic connection circulating between our pelvises was still quite active. She made some gentle, very slow motions in and out, letting me milk her just that little bit more, really savoring the moment. I loved it.
She took her cock out of me and we both looked at each other with glimmers in our eyes. We both burst out into giggling laughter which felt so good. It was so therapeutic to be taken through so much and to be brought back from sub-space with one of my favorite things: laughter.
Posted on July 23, 2009
I Was Interviewed for the Masocast Podcast- The Land of Milk And Honey
Want to know more about me? Find my latest interview on
The Masocast. If you like what you hear, donate what you will to keep this great podcast going.
-Transcript courtesy of db1-
AXE: That’s one thing I like about service, about doing just plain service. Is because It’s non-sexual. It’s not; I’m not getting anything directly out of it …
MISTRESS SADE: I guess it depends upon what kind of service.
AXE: Well …
MISTRESS SADE: Full service?
AXE: Full service? With a happy ending?
MISTRESS SADE: Full service isn’t sexual?
AXE: I’ve never experienced service that way. Well, well, I should say, that I’ve never called it service, whenever it’s just been you know, something sexual, but then it’s just sexual.
MISTRESS SADE: Then you’re just a booty call.
AXE: Then I’m just a booty call.
AXE: Uhm, But for me like service. Just doing cleaning chores, or … or … or fixing the computer, or geek work, whatever… uhm
MISTRESS SADE: It shows that you can still give, give to them without just thinking about your libido and your sex.
AXE: Yes. You know, I’ve never done service for someone I was in anyway sexually involved with so …
MISTRESS SADE: You mean nobody’s ever said, “… wash my dishes now eat my pussy”?
AXE: No. No.
MISTRESS SADE: Someday.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Posted on May 18, 2009
The human anus is situated between the buttocks, posterior to the perineum. It has two anal sphincters, one internal, the other external. These hold the anus closed until time to defecate. The inner sphincter consists of smooth muscle and its action is involuntary; the outer consists of striated muscle and its action is voluntary.
Role in defecation
When the rectum is full the increase in intrarectal pressure forces the walls of the anal canal apart allowing the fecal matter to enter the canal. The rectum shortens as material is forced into the anal canal and peristaltic waves propel the feces out of the rectum. The internal and external sphincters of the anus allow the feces to be passed by muscles pulling the anus up over the exiting feces.
Role in sexuality
The anus has a relatively high concentration of nerve endings and is an erogenous zone. Sigmund Freud’s theory of psychosexual development, for example, described an anal stage, hypothesizing that toddlers derive pleasure from retaining and expelling feces. This is the source of the derogatory term anal-retentive.
Anal intercourse can be pleasurable for both the insertive partner and the receptive partner. For females, pleasure from anal intercourse is also thought to be related to the shared wall between the rectum and the vagina as well as the G-spot. For males, the tightness of the anus is often said to be a source of pleasure in penetrative anal sex, while the presence of the prostate gland near the rectal wall is generally seen as a source of pleasure during receptive anal intercourse.
Anal intercourse, sometimes referred to as sodomy or buggery, is a common human sexual activity, but is considered taboo in a number of moral systems, and it has been, and in some jurisdictions continues to be, a crime carrying severe punishment. Breakin’ the law breakin’ the law!
Anal sex need not include penetration. The anus also plays an important role in face sitting, coprophilia and anilingus.
Anal stretching can stimulate the nerves around the anus and can be considered pleasurable. Care must be taken to maintain elasticity. Anal stretching is a practice used by some to train relaxation of the muscles of the anus. While some sources indicate that it has medical benefits, it is more commonly employed as training to more easily perform various forms of receptive anal sex. Users of these techniques include those involved in graphic pornography. The most common method is the use of butt plugs. This practice is often referred to an anal dilation or anal training.
Care should be taken if attempting anal stretching because increasing the circumference of the sphincter muscle while decreasing its elasticity can lead to fecal incontinence. To minimize this risk, one must preserve the elasticity of the sphincter muscle. This is accomplished by proceeding very gradually – i.e. by inserting very small objects at first, and then over a period of months (or even years), very gradually increasing the size of objects that are inserted. Objects should also not be left in the anus for long periods of time as this will also decrease the elasticity of the sphincter. Any pain is a sign that one is proceeding incorrectly and should proceed more gradually.
See my blog for Keegle Exercises.
Water Enemas most commonly used or
Dry Enema See my blog for more information.
It is accomplished by introducing a small amount of sterile lubricant into the rectum, resulting in a bowel movement more quickly and with less violence than can be achieved by an oral laxative.
It is called “dry” by contrast to the more usual wet enema, because no water is used.
A quicker form of the dry enema utilizes the injection of a small amount of water-based lubricant such as K-Y into the rectum via a non-hypodermic syringe, such as an oral syringe – freely obtainable in most drugstores, or from some other source (see illustration).
The usual amount of lubricant applied is about 2 tsp. (10 CC), which will produce a movement in 30 minutes or less. The movement will be produced in a compact body, rather than in the more copious liquid form produced by a wet enema; and since no water is used, none will be retained higher up in the colon, to be expelled at some later, and presumably, inconvenient time.
A further advantage of this technique for sexual-hygienic purposes, is that any slight remaining traces of fecal material will – due to the presence of the lubricant – tend to adhere to the wall of the rectum rather than to any foreign object which may subsequently be inserted.
Anal masturbation can be pleasurable for men and women of any sexual orientation, as the anus contains many sensitive nerve endings. For men, anal masturbation can be especially pleasurable because it often stimulates the prostate, which also contains sensitive nerve endings. Indeed, some butt plugs for men are specifically shaped for prostate stimulation. For women, insertion of an object into the anus can indirectly stimulate the vagina. Since the muscles of the anus contract during orgasm, the presence of an object holding the sphincter open can strengthen the sensation of the contractions and intensify orgasm for both men and women.
Enemas or anal douches are, for hygienic reasons, often taken prior to anal masturbation, but they can also be a form of anal masturbation themselves. Using enemas too frequently can lead to a physical dependence on them in order to have a bowel movement, however.
Since the anus does not produce natural lubrication, it is often necessary to apply lubricant to the anal area before insertion of any object.
Commonly inserted objects include butt plugs, anal beads and phallic vegetables.
Prostate massage involves massaging the prostate (one source of sexual pleasure in men relating to orgasm and in this context, colloquially called the A-spot or peace place) through the anus by finger(s), or with a vibrator, or with a penis or strap-on dildo during anal sex. The prostate can also be indirectly massaged externally through the perineum.
Prostate massage (also known as prostate milking) is sometimes carried out as a medical procedure for the treatment of prostatitis, although its benefits have been debated in the medical community and it is highly inadvisable for patients with acute prostatitis (as opposed to chronic cases), for whom the infection can spread elsewhere in the body if massage is performed. Done internally either by finger(s) or an instrument, prostate massage is pleasurable to both gay and straight men and may result in orgasm without any genital stimulation. The intensity of the orgasm and the amount of ejaculate may be significantly increased in some cases.
Prostate milking refers to the sexual practice of relieving the buildup of semen by regular prostate massage, thus preventing the need for ejaculation at other times. It may be used clinically in the treatment of prostatitis, or more commonly as part of BDSM activities, such as games involving the erotic use of sexual denial. It only applies to a male submissive, females not having this type of sexual anatomy.
The release felt by a man as a result of prostatic milking against a background of denial, is described as long, drawn out, but not reaching a resolution phase as with normal orgasm. It is therefore said to always leave an edge of not having had full satisfaction, or a yearning for more, as opposed to the “drop” in responsiveness due to satiation after a full orgasm. For people who engage in lifestyle chastity and erotic denial, this may be desirable, since after orgasm a male is sated and released for some days of the tension which builds up with orgasm denial.
Some practitioners, seeking to prevent even this reduced degree of pleasure, apply crushed ice around the penis and testicles for some minutes before, and during, the massage, ensuring that the male is unable to feel the milking genitally and therefore denying even that pleasure. It is suggested by such practitioners that the male is fully tied up first, as it may be hard to apply ice to the genitals and keep them still, otherwise.
As a side note, part of the mechanism for orgasm for a male involves the accumulation of fluids within the prostate and associated ducts; accordingly once milked, a male will be incapable of achieving orgasm regardless of the degree of stimulation, for some time after.
The term also refers to a non-sexual medical procedure involving similar prostate massage for the purpose of relieving prostatitis.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Posted on March 1, 2009
For my birthday present to myself in ‘07 I was fortunate to have the incredible host, LincolnfSternn, as I trucked Mistress Varla and a bunch of subs up to the serene woods of CT.
For years I’ve been fantasizing about dressing a bunch of men as deer and hunting them with a paintball gun. With a house at our disposal on the edge of the woods we got to do so much more. The weekend really turned into the most incredible FemDomme Vacation!
After having lunch (which the slaves cooked up for us of course), we trekked out into the wood to scope out the areas where the pain would begin. The view was so very beautiful from atop my human pony.
Soon after the mayhem began. Try to picture an overly excited me shooting round after round at my poor little frightened deer. They- too shocked to follow the direction of fall down and die and I’ll stop shooting you, running through the brush, desperately trying to outrun my rapid fire. Round after painful round bursting on their poor exposed flesh while briars slashed at their legs. All of this captured by our camera man as well as helmet cams on the deer’s mask and on the barrel of my gun.
After I had thoroughly enjoyed myself by shooting captyveny, julian, and saucykitten Varla got to pick up the gun. We really had fun creating her shooting scenes- especially pan as the poor deer who gets shot up while stopping for a drink of water at the stream. Our last hunt was done on human horseback. Varla on enzo, and myself on julian. Poor saucykitten (sleeping in a thicket) gets brutalized by the both of us chasing him through the wood. It was just beautiful *le sigh*.
These boys really were troopers. The poor things got no mercy from either of us.
After the Hunt we all cleaned up and I changed into my swimsuit to enjoy the sunny afternoon in the yard. Varla sat next to me enjoying a cocktail and a foot massage from enzo, while saucykitten served as my foot rest and julian as my table.
I’m sure we were quite a sight for the neighbors as we whipped leaves out of the trees, enjoyed massages and pony rides in the sun, as well as the image of me in bikinni and thigh high boots whipping julian while tied to a tree.
Delicious meals, cocktails, and desserts were all enjoyed around a roaring campfire. It really was the perfect image of a Domme vacation.
Posted on May 18, 2007
Set aside about 45 minutes for this exercise. You don t need much some lube, a sex toy (we recommend the aneros or your favorite butt plug), a towel or two and a comfortable spot.
1. A nice hot shower is a great way to wash off the day and get fully relaxed.
2. Set out your materials within arms reach in your comfortable spot.
3. Get comfortable, lying on your back, with your knees slightly bent. If you are using your finger rather than a sex toy, it can be a little harder to reach your prostate, so experimenting with the position of your body as you go along will be helpful.
4. Using lube as you wish, arouse yourself slightly by touching your body and/or penis, balls and perineum, but just to the point of feeling turned on, not so much that you are ready to orgasm.
5. If you haven t already, apply some lube to your finger or and touch and explore the opening to your anus. You might even try this while touching your cock at the same time. The key here is to stay relaxed.
6. If you are using your finger ok but if you are planning on using a sex toy, put some lube on the toy itself. Begin to gently press into your anus, slowly. You might want to keep touching your penis or your body to stay relaxed and aroused.
7. The more relaxed and aroused you are, the more your anus will relax and the more it will actually begin to invite your finger or the sex toy in.
8. Play with pressure, motion side to side, back and forth, circular, in and out as well as depth. Notice what you like and what feels best to you.
9. Begin to focus on the front wall of your anus the front wall is toward the direction of your penis or toward the front of your body. About 1 or 2 inches inside your rectum you may begin to feel your prostate. It is a walnut-sized, roundish gland that sits below your bladder and can be located by touching the front wall of your anus, and likely feels sensitive and amazing to your touch.
10. Experiment with touching and stimulate your prostate alone, without touching anywhere else on your body. Try milking the prostate or a come here motion with your finger or the sex toy. You may notice extreme pleasure from just this alone.
11. Also experiment with stimulating your prostate while touching your penis, body, perineum and balls at the same time. This may enhance your overall pleasure and sensation, and it may accelerate your arousal level and make you want to come immediately.
12. Try squeezing your PC muscles around your finger or sex toy often this can be extremely pleasurable as well. Using your PC muscles like this can help you to have orgasm without ejaculation, to stop your ejaculation as well as to have multiple orgasms. You can identify your PC muscles as the ones you would use to stop the flow of your urine.
13. Continue to explore and notice what feels best to you, getting comfortable with anal penetration in general as well as prostate masturbation. Resist the temptation to bring yourself immediately to orgasm, but keeping backing off and continue the cycle of arousal.
14. The point of this prostate masturbation exercise is not to have an orgasm but if it happens at some point, no worries nice side benefit!
15. When you are finished, clean up using the towels and congratulate yourself for going where no man has likely gone before!
Possible Sensations Felt During Prostate Stimulation
The prostate becomes engorged and swells when aroused and thus sets in motion the release of ejaculate fluid. If you refer again to the anatomy chart listed at the beginning of this post, you will see that the prostate wraps around the urethral tube. During stimulation the prostate will become swollen and begin to release seminal fluid into the urethra giving you the sensation that you need to urinate. However, as the prostate is swollen it has basically cut of the bladder’s source of release so you will not be able to urinate without some difficulty. If you feel like you need to pee, you are on the right track but rather than backing off, push into this feeling. I have found that you need to relax to let the ejaculate come out, but you may find you need to assist with pushing out. You are there! You are not peeing, you are experiencing prostate ejaculation! Just relax, release and let go.
Take a moment to appreciate your body and its capacity for such immense pleasure, and the amazing experience. If you didn’t ejaculate this time, don’t worry! Think back on what felt good, what you noticed, where you got stuck or blocked, etc. Think of a few things you’ll do differently next time, and then try it again on another day.
Practice does make perfect after all!